Most of the time my writing sessions are about 45 mins to maybe an hour, and if I have the foresight that a post is going to be a long one, I will break it up into two or three sections. Yesterday I wrote about Purging the Poison, and posted it like I was done. Well, I have had a few more thoughts about this topic, so I figured I would pick up where I left off and add a few more thoughts.
PURGE THE POISON
One of the biggest reasons I can think of to make sure you are not dragging around crap from the past is to help ensure it is not detrimentally affecting your future. The lessons were important, how you dealt (or didn’t) with those situations is impactful, but it does not dictate your future. Don’t give the past that much power over you. Life occurs, shit gets weird, and bad things happen to good people all of the time. It is just how life is, fair or not. What matters is how you deal with it…whatever “it” is.
Again, I am no clinical psychologist, and am not pretending to play one either. But having done some therapy, spending a LOT of time in self reflection and listening to what the voice(s) in my head say, etc. has proven to be really helpful. I didn’t come from a broken home (until later on), I wasn’t beaten as a child or got into drugs and other stuff as a young kid and have a great comeback story, odds stacked against me, etc., etc. But I have had my share of crap, some of it thrust upon me, some of it self-induced. Closing in on 50, I am still working out some of the stuff from my childhood, just like everyone else is. These patterns and mindsets get imprinted early on in life, and are hard to erase and reset. But it can be done; people far worse off than you have done it. The point is, I am working on it. Are you? Are you doing enough to help, to reverse the trends, to change your thought processes? To give yourself a different view of the world, and therefore a shot a success?
Stop being a victim of the past. Take a look at your indulgences; are they masking deep seeding feelings? Do you drink more than you should? Maybe you should start asking the questions to find out why. Whether it is social discomfort, numbing the pain of a rough childhood, whatever your baggage is, start dealing with it. Some turn to food for comfort; for many, their few positive childhood memories are tied to celebrations or family dinners. Pulling pleasure from food by triggering these associated emotions are how many end up morbidly obese; a vicious cycle that seemingly has no end in sight.
For others, retail therapy s their coping mechanism of choice. “Treating yourself” to something seems innocent enough, until you find yourself with credit card debt and a house that makes you look like a candidate for next season’s Hoarders. It seems funny, but if you are trying to cover up deep seated pain and suffering from the past with any of these “Band-Aids”, you are operating in victim mode. Let that shit go….
Your life is in a constant state of flux. Nothing is permanent; your current successes are not promised to tomorrow and your past is long gone. Use this to your advantage and start anew if needed. You could start a whole new life if necessary; instead of trying to repair the current situation, pack up and leave if it makes sense to do so. Yeah, it’ll be scary, but don’t let the familiarity of your misery get mistaken for “comfortable”. In fact, it may be necessary to start with a clean slate instead of trying to outlive your previous reputation, convincing your friends that you are different now, etc. Cut bait and start over.
Its your life, you are the captain of the ship, and you better start navigating like it. No one is coming to rescue you, and no one else can solve the issues trapped in your head. Only you have the key to that dark closet locked away in the back of your mind. Put on your big boy pants, grab a flashlight and the key to that room, and start peeking into the dark once in a while. Facing your fears and your default settings is crucial to changing your life in the direction you want.
Be brave….you can do it. Others, seemingly far less capable than you, have done it. That means you can too.